On the morning of my morning walk in the forest today
My mantra today was
“My roots reach deeply
I am connected to the core of me”
This is part of the lyrics of the “I am connected” by Beautiful Chorus
For me in singing those lines
feeling the connection between the nature and myself
I enter the feeling that enables all other feelings to be
And still be still like a mountain a tree with all that.
Feeling of longing familiar to many people. I am no exception. Often this longing also includes a further illusion, fantasy that is a coping strategy to escape even more out of the present and body to the mind. Instead of getting more in touch with the uncomfortable, you go away in something that creates a further longing, desire. Have you ever thought how close are words Longing and Be(longing)? The journey to add Be to Longing is what Michael Singer in his podcast from Fighting to Harmony describes when we stop fighting with “No, I don’t want this, I want that. “ In Enneagram1 word and embodiment practices this means learning more about Willfulness, Will and Willingness. How do we do that? By practicing mindfulness, sitting, establishing true intimacy with self.
A true feeling of Belonging is possible only when we are connected with our bodies. That is the core message of Sebene Selassie in her book You Belong (2020) Chapter 3 is a great read on how to Ground yourself in your body.
In the 9 steps to inner peace coaching program we usually start with establish ing a good connection with body. We use the body guidebook that I have gathered from my studies with Hippocrates institute, Mindfulness meditation teacher course, Breath coaching course. The guidebook includes essential topics for a solid, grounded body. Session 1 of the guidebook is all about body connection.
I want to share here couple of lines that Sebene writes on belonging (Selassie, 2020, p. 74)
This is an amazing performance of Barbra Streisand classic People. I have been doing a lot of observing and learning on the topic of Belonging and connection. One Wednesday as we were doing our usual group meditation and the feeling was connection and belonging was present, this song “People” and the feeling of the community and being part of the greater whole came to awareness.
When i was looking through the lyrics of this song, I found these lines meaningful:
:We’re children, needing other childrenAnd yet letting a grown-up prideHide all the need insideActing more like children than children”
“No more hunger and thirstBut first be a person who needs people”
I guide in the 9 steps to inner peace my clients to first come in touch with their needs, stay in touch with their bodies, without separating their mind, body and soul and prioritize their needs. Yes, there is a mindfulness involved to discern between indulgence and taking proper care of your needs. Often I work with this topic with the Ennea1 and 2 energy. Both energies are inclined to have their own right way of idea of helping others and using mainly their energy to fix, help on the outside, to the other and have difficulty to connect with their own emotions, feelings and needs. Through re-establishing connection with the body, we are putting a new foundation to relationship with self and others.
Last week we dedicated to explore the topic of emotions, feelings, interpretations and integrity with the AEIOU Breakhtrough women group.
Beyond all specific names a lot of our live is driven by fear and protection, some from love.
Fear and protection are emotions: doubt, anger, control, pride, envy.
Love is joy, peace, content, happy, wonder, bliss.
In this life it is part of us to feel fear. Sometimes it is there with a good reason and really save’s our life, sometimes it keeps us in the cage of familiar and away from freedom.
My aspiration would be to recognize the fear, so that I can make a conscious choice to live a soul aligned life. To recognize the saboteur that shows up in the name of fear and protection. So eloquent, so wise, so persuasive. In Buddhist term my aspiration would be to say “I see you Mara” and have the patience and self compassion to sit down with it with the intention of making a choice. And sometimes when we recognize that we have been holding on to something old because of a feeling of security, the choice might be to let go of that, recognize the fear behind holding on, and taking a Trustfall.
From Pink’s Lyrics:
“Go where love is on our sideIt’s a trust fall, babyIt’s a trust fall, baby”
Last Friday, 17.2.2023, I had an opportunity to talk about Self compassion, emotional resilience and decision making in collaborations as part of the AEIOU breakthrough female leaders.
I have described self – compassion as a gateway to more authentic me. It is linked to our ability to hold ourselves when the feelings of pain, shame, guilt, self-judgement come up. It enables us to see more of who we are with self honesty.
According to the research that dr. Kirstin Neff did there are three components of self compassion:
– Self kindness – connected to the deep feeling of Care, so we are able to hold ourselves in whatever feeling is coming up, recognizing harsh words and judgements toward self and asking ourselves Is this kind? Is this loving to myself? Would I actually say this to someone I love and care for?
– Common humanity – realizing it’s not just you feeling i.e. envy and judging it. Being able to take an emotion that we label with judgement and take It
– Opening up to broader perspective: What else could be the reason?, What else could this mean?
Tending from this energy to our own feelings, naming them, is process of holding ourselves with gentleness. This energy is gentle, tender.
However, as the title of a book Fierce self compassion indicates, there is another facet of self compassion. Fierce self compassion. This is linked to action and assertiveness. To step from the victim to taking charge. This energy is very close to anger. Kirstin Neff mentions constructive anger. To be able to handle that facet of compassion appropriately is still a process of learning and exploring for me. I have witnessed destructive anger inside and outside of myself and now learning more and more to use this energy from the place of a firm “no”, from the center of knowing myself and honoring what my emotions are saying and what my feelings are, what my values are and what is important for me.
In Radical acceptance book Tara Brach connects self-compassion and mindfulness that brings in clarity, both together she writes results into self-healing.
I find clarity a tricky one as we can get lost in our own stories, that are still trying to protect the wound in the best possible way. Sometimes talking with trained practitioner about the experience after we held ourselves and recognized the feelings, can bring us closer to the truth and clarity. So with applied self compassion and dialogue with other, the healing can take place. Healing, that brings us a bit closer to Freedom.
Here is my favorite part from Fierce self-compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive, by Kirstin Neff, PhD:
“When we embrace our pain with kindness, we feel loving,
when we remember our common humanity, we feel connected,
when we’re mindful of our pain, we are present. “
If our intention is to live this life with an open heart, present with what is, then self compassion is an integral part of our journey.
One of the continuous workshops I attend annually is In Pursuit of Authentic Self.
When i started this work i thought, why would one do a workshop with same title every year?
But in consistency, there is growth and taking note of growth.
We are changing all the time, evolving doesn’t stop. There is shedding off the limitations and gaining inner power in being more of yourself. Knowing yourself and loving yourself more with all there is.
On one occasion on this growth I have written this poem. Pls read it in a way of understanding that this doesn’t mean “here brilliant, done that” it means what i was able to process heal, i have integrated and then continue.
What is on the surface and what is in the depth
Become one
Integrated in all of me.
What is it the parts that I am leaving out
Like someone drawing a self portrait
And doesn’t notice he didn’t draw his ears
Or neck or brows
What I am not noticing that I am leaving
out
Which part of me,
Has vowed to burry so deep that I forgot it
ever existed?
Whenever there is a burial
There is a leaving behind
There is a sorrow of aolean scale
“You” brings in the myxolidian scale, the
joy.
The new soul, reborn, integrated in true
nature
Seeing myself wholly.
Old stories let go
Let me see new world and new me in it.
This book is a must read for topics of being true to yourself, congruency, authenticity.
It offers the language for the journey back to self as well as better understanding of what we experience when we decide to recommit to ourselves and being real, congruent.
Getting real requires peeling off the layers of seeking approval, safety or trust to feel safe enough, trusting enough for the essence to come through more.
When the essence is able to flow more through you as appropriate, one becomes more at peace with who you are.
This journey is accompanied with noticing where we are controlling out of fear and protecting ourselves. It requires the willingness to stay with uncomfortable feelings to get to a place of real intimacy. It requires the courage to find your own expression.
Here are some of my favorite parts from Getting real:
It is part of the human journey to start out whole, then to continually cut off parts of ourselves in response to real or imagined pain, and to spend the rest of our lives searching for what we have cut off, buried, and forgotten about.
When you know how to notice and stay with an uncomfortable experience, you have true freedom. You are not compelled by your conditioning to need things to be a certain way for you to feel okay.
When asserting your desires, you′re going to bump up against the other person′s boundaries. You might even push some buttons along the way. By bumping against her with your request, you′re ″calling her out,″ you′re asking her to be more than her limited view of herself. Or you may be giving her practice holding her ground. Either way, it′s not going to do her any real harm
Years ago we enrolled together with my dear friend Eleftheria to Brene’s Brown online course The gift of imperfection. We did the journaling and challenged and supported eachother. One part was also taking your own selfie and writing on the palm of my hand I am enough. It took many hours of sitting with myself and group to accept a bit more of me, to come to a place of really buying more to the writing on my hand. Maybe starting with giving myself persmission to just be true me once a week:)
As the lyrics say:
Sometimes I’m shy, and I’m anxiousSometimes I’m down on my kneesSometimes I try to embrace all my insecuritiesSo I won’t wear makeup on Thursday‘Cause who I am is enough
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The poem is a combination of tapping into spirit of Ubuntu, the 9 perspectives of Enneagram and the Love for self. It is an invitation to inquiry of the expression of the Heart in a unique way of every being.
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