A Heart-Centered Evolution in Life Coaching

A Heart-Centered Evolution in Life Coaching

Like many life coaches in the early days of life coaching’s popularization, I began my journey with a model focused on goal setting in key areas of life. The model I was taught—developed by Curly Martin and Achievement Specialists—was called the I CAN DO model. At the time, many coaches also used the well-known GROW model.

Witnessing a client reach their goal has always been rewarding. Achieving a goal fulfills the human need for accomplishment and creates an empowering, feel-good moment. As a responsible life coach, I also guided clients through a values inventory to help them understand whether their goals aligned with their deeper values and life priorities.

But over time, my approach evolved.

A Turning Point: When Life Doesn’t Go According to Plan

I wasn’t just coaching clients with this goal-based model—I was living it. And I achieved a lot during that time.
Until one day, something didn’t unfold the way I had envisioned in My Will. Like many people, it was this unexpected pain that pushed me into new levels of self-growth, understanding, and heart-opening. It became an initiation into deeper compassion and connection.

The Shift Toward Heart-Centered Coaching

For over ten years, I’ve practiced heart-centered living and coaching, incorporating:

  • HeartMath techniques
  • Mindfulness of the heart
  • Transformational work with Dora Frasco, focused on connection, unity, and unconditional love

During this time, I began noticing a trend in both group and one-on-one coaching sessions:
Intentions were starting to replace the once-dominant goals.

Why Intentions Over Goals?

Last year, I felt called to understand more about this shift. I dove into the work of Lynne McTaggart, including The Field, The Power of Eight, and her intention experiments. I also joined her 2025 Intention Masterclass.

In earlier teachings, we were told that intentions don’t need to be specific—you simply name the intention, release it, and let the Universe handle the details. But I’ve noticed that the more specific your intention setting becomes, the more it starts to resemble goal setting—just without the pressure or attachment.

Mindfulness teaches us that intention plus attention equals awareness. When you name an intention specifically, you bring clarity and self-honesty to what already exists in your mind and heart—but may not have been consciously expressed.

When to Use Goals, Intentions, or Both?

In my coaching practice, I tailor the approach based on the individual. Sometimes it’s intentions. Sometimes it’s goals. Often, it’s a blend of both. Here’s what I’ve learned so far:

  1. Creating From a Healthy Core

We are always creating—whether consciously or unconsciously.
The more we heal our inner wounds, resentments, and fears—the forces behind protective or reactive behaviors—the more we can create from our authentic self, our true essence.

  1. Being in the Now

Many people get trapped in the mindset of “I’ll only be happy when…”

Mindfulness offers a more empowering foundation:
This moment is enough. You are enough.
You can feel contentment here and now. When that future-focused thought creeps in, recognize it as just that—a thought—and choose whether or not to follow it.

  1. Acknowledging What’s Already There

We often believe that growth comes from identifying what’s missing:
“I’m not enough yet, so I need to change…”

But practices like the HeartMath Quick Coherence Technique or keeping a gratitude journal help shift focus to what’s already present, while still honoring what you may wish to grow or call in.

  1. Intention vs. Goal Setting

Every action stems from a motivation.
You can either be intentional and aware of that motivation—or run on autopilot. Intentional living invites conscious choice.

  1. Embracing Luck as Energy

A visual symbol of luck on my HeartCoach website reminds me of this subtle but powerful energy.
Luck is not random—it’s an optimistic frequency that flows through us when we feel open, light, and aligned. It supports serendipity and enhances co-creation.

  1. Balancing the 3 Centers

Different traditions speak of the hara (action), the heart (feeling), and the pineal gland (thinking)—or in spiritual terms, my will, thy will, and that will.
True co-creation happens when these three centers are in balance—not just pushing forward from “my will,” and not just surrendering to external forces.

  1. Maintaining Focus in a Distracted World

Once you’ve set a clear intention or goal, distractions will inevitably arise.
Return to your core focus. Practicing focus and concentration helps you redirect energy back to what matters most—again and again.

  1. Don’t Give Up Too Soon

Many people give up on what they want too early, instead of exploring new strategies or staying aligned with their vision.
Before you shift focus, pause and ask yourself:
“Why am I changing direction right now?”
Be radically honest. Your answer will guide your next best step.

Final Thoughts: Living and Coaching with Intention

As life coaches, we’re not just guiding others—we’re on the journey too.
Whether you’re working with goals, intentions, or a powerful blend of both, remember this:

True transformation begins not with striving, but with awareness—and the courage to act from your heart.

Maybe- the field of possibilities

Maybe - the field of possibilities

Maybe opens up the window,

Opens up the fresh air to the stiffness of I can’t,

Releases the stuffiness of old air being stuck in one way only.

 

Resistance to that because it has to be this way,

Because it is known,

Because it is safe

is felt like a black ball in the middle of the body

Can it be maybe?

Because it is not so scary to totally let go what you were thought to believe.

Can there be a slight chance that one is not better than the other,

That both can be explored,

both is possible

and what more?

and from that I can is reborn

B.Cukjati, 2025

Sweet spot of stillness

Sweet spot of stillness

Under yesterday today tomorrow

Sitting with a light breeze on my skin

Gentle sound of swaying chimes

Accompanies the wind.

 

While all life running parallel

I found my sweet spot of stillness

Comfort in fresh peppermint

Absorbing all the greenness.

 

B. Cukjati (2019)

Riding the dragon in a wavy dress and power

Riding the dragon in a wavy dress and power

Give her permission,

Have the power

In her wavy dress,

to hold the reins

Of a mighty dragon

Defying the wind

With a sword

Commanding with the heart made from fire.

 

Only when the dragon would lay down

On soft and nurturing soil

Under tree fern leaves reflecting little waterdrops,

She would lay down with him, calm,

Earth wind metal and fire

Finally at rest.

 

B.C.

Relaxing into wonder

Relaxing into wonder

The flickering sounds of the fire in stillness

burning away the willfulness

floating On the holy river  

like drop of water in the ocean

 

One falling into the One,

echoing the encounter,

Spreading stillness in the circles.

One falling into One.

 

The silence of potential,

What I feel

 is unclear,

can my experience turn into exponential?

feeling  Unity within

the connection becomes real.

 

I know I am here,

My body can dance out

This  mess

Unknown to my words to express.

 

The dissonance between things

sways with the lightness of being

what more am I seeing

further from limitation blinded before by believing.

 

On the bar codes of consciousness

Falling like drops from the sky

I surrender my resistance, my control, my illusions

 

Less judgement – more trust

With open arms embracing a stranger

To feel welcomed

Body reassured

Relaxing into wonder.

 

Loving with opened eyes

Laughing with opened chest

Embracing with joyful heart.

Get familiar with your saboteurs – improve wellbeing and relationships

Get familiar with your saboteurs -

improve wellbeing and relationships

In the program 9 steps for inner peace the second triad in the model is named Allowing your wants. 

In allowing your wants we are looking into liberating yourself, which literally means how to get out of the prison of “shoulds”, guilt and shame.

These ideas and emotional blocks often prevent the clarity around what are actually our true heart desires. They are the protectors of fears, that we have developed sometime along our path in the life.  They are the “I can’t”, “What will people think” sort of thoughts. They are the addictions, jealousy, bitterness, underlying issues of “ I don’t deserve to be happy”, “ not enough” syndrome kind of sources of behavior.

Part of this path of liberation is to get familiar with your saboteurs and develop more sage power. This concept of saboteur and sage was developed by Shirzad Chamine

Positive intelligence. He has identified one master saboteur and named it The judge.

When you work through The judge and various variations of it towards self, others and situations, it is helpful to identify the energy of this judge, the look and how it steals your perspective from your higher wisdom.

Besides Shirzad concept, there is also another aspect of saboteur, that holds a different energy that is also useful to get familiar with. The name of this one is The Brat. (Dora and Angelo Frasco, Healing course). You recognize the brat by quite immature, childish, sulking, walking away, avoiding, “not dealing with the issue in a mature way” kind of energy.

Both the judge and the brat would paint out an image of reality that seems so believable, but there is underlying fear and the choice you would be making for your behavior and decisions would be based on fear.

In a book Breaking free Overcoming Self sabotage (Linda Ellis Eastman and contributing authors) the following chapters give a great insight into what are we working through when we decide to develop more sage capacity in ourself and move more into our original essence. The chapters are:  How to built healthy self esteem&stand up to your internal saboteur; Negative self-talk; Stop with the cruel words; Sabotage: the consequence of fear;  De-clutter your mind; I am enough; learning to love yourself.

How do we work with these aspects of ourselves that are kind of protecting us, and yet it is not a protection that would serve our highest. Every time you manage to catch the saboteur, it is like overcoming a threshold  guardian in a video game, which if you do manage to catch it and act from your wisdom, it is your entrance to level 2, to celebration, to more alignment.

Here are 7 tips that support you  to break free from your self-sabotage :

  • Keeping yourself in contact with your body and presence in now with mindfulness breaks – setting a healthy clean body and clarity of mind
  • Getting familiar with your judge and brat – energy and appearance
  • Celebrating little steps of changing your course of thoughts
  • Practicing lovingkidness and self compassion and compassion for others
  • Intentionally reestablishing connection with your essence and self-worth
  • Allowing time to sit with yourself and inquiry without being scattered and restless
  • Having courage to articulate your decisions with kindness to others

Noticing your attitude when meditating: combining discipline and enjoyment

Noticing your attitude when meditating: combining discipline and enjoyment

It has been a fun month. Some challenges in between and lots to be grateful for. Above all I was resting more, sleeping longer, allowing more space. Summer in Europe, winter in South Africa.

I was exploring how can I be devoted to the journey of chosen self-development with finding my own way of keeping the promises to myself and not being rigid about it, or forceful.

I know that daily meditation practice is part of my daily hygiene to collect myself, ground, center in my heart, remind myself on the intention. And that knowing has just naturally became part of me. However,  at one point though I observed that it has moved from the energy of Love to energy of Duty, which brought in somewhat mechanic feeling.

With that I gave myself permission to let go a bit, what happens if I allow myself to sleep a little longer, when would I actually feel from inside to sit down for my practice?

I think I just really needed the rest and some relaxation. In this month I posed a question what is a way that there is some discipline and also enjoyment?

The result was a feeling of deeper settling in my heart, a certain relaxed open spaciousness in my heart space and breath. It felt good and nourishing.

I am curious now to explore further with autumn routines and kids starting school again, where is this practice going to find its place again somewhat organically, aligned with my overall intention of gentle, appropriate, to my Highest. With sobriety, openness and curiosity I will explore the unknown, follow the true heart feeling and observe.

Exploring mindfulness: navigating emotions and feeling with poetry

Exploring Mindfulness: Navigating Emotions and Feelings Through Poetry

This week’s theme is linked to feelings and emotions. The mindfulness of emotions and feelings is one of the foundations of mindfulness practice, therefore one of the essential practices and talks. Working with emotions and feelings requires patience and fine tuning into realizing what is a clean feeling, what is interpretation, what is emotion – reaction to something and what is that saying to us, what are we doing with it.

In relation to this topic I am sharing this month one of the past observations and writings with respect to a strong feeling or emotion and how does it feel to be with it.

TO SEE MORE

 

Slowly I have learned

That this what I feel

is not the whole of me.

A part that in that moment took over the rest

So strong that all other parts

Hid away behind the bushes and the rocks

Timidly observed this giant

Taking over the stage,

Forgetting it is not alone.

 Even my soul in the moment of this coup

Could buy into this illusion

And forget that what is looking at Is just a finger on the hand,

Pointing so vigorously that It feels like sea sick with gaze caught up in mesmerizing movement.

 You are an important finger, and so is the one next to you.

With deep breath I land back in my heart, my center,

With another I stand in the middle of my head,

I hold the third to notice more.

 Soon there is much more to see,

In my humbleness I smile to the change.

 

The wind blows, the silence comes

It’s gone a moment later.

Did you catch it? Did you hold it? Did you let it go?

 

Choose what you love

Choose what you love

This is a poem that I share with my clients as a simple example of how we can find something about our body that we love and appreciate. Often I hear women pick up and focus on the parts of their body that they don’t like or they would change and fix. This is an invitation  to find and focus on the positive at least as equally as our mind can be pulled into negative. 

Choose what you love

I love my hands, the elegance, how they feel and how they look when they are touching clay, most of all from my body, I love my hands. 

I love my limbs, they are long and athletic. 

I love the soles of my feet. 

I love my ribs and how they expand. 

I love my liver and kidneys. 

I love the inner perfection of aligned working together. 

I love my honesty and willingness to learn. 

I love my heart and willingness to look into it, even though I often feel afraid and confused. 

And sometimes I just feel oh my not again, why do I want to look into how I feel time and time again. I rebel. 

Then reminding myself to stay with, look deeper, see more. (B.Cukjati)

 

Understanding The Noble Eightfold Path and how can it help with living well

Understanding The Noble Eightfold Path and how can it help with living well

Pain and suffering

In mindfulness there is a saying Pain is inevitable suffering is optional. According to Buddhist teaching if we follow the noble Eighfold path, we can overcome suffering.

8 fold path is a list that includes moral virtue, wisdom and meditative culmination of heart and mind. The list of eight is the following:

  1. Right understanding
  2. Right thought
  3. Right speech
  4. Right action
  5. Right livelihood
  6. Right effort
  7. Right mindfulness
  8. Right concentration

Intention to aspire to make the aligned choices with the 8fold path and be gentle and understanding to self is a good starting point.

Wings of Love and wisdom

Why would I do that at all besides overcoming the suffering, is because there is something in me that deeply resonates with what Tara Brach presented as two wings that we are cultivating: the wing of Love and wing of Wisdom.

 Now true wisdom doesn’t mean that we have read and memorized x amount of books and we can intellectualize on the topic for hours. Maybe you have come across this pyramid that says we can have data, then usage of data is information and information used in practice and integrated with learning is wisdom. And true Love also is not romantic, is deep, it’s strong and powerful and not mushy at all.

Story with the bird

Yesterday I came into a room and I could hear a pigeon trying to get out and trying to find its way. He was banging into the glass repeatedly, not recognizing where the window ends and where there is freedom of him flying away. I have learned that if you approach a butterfly, or a bird and trying to hold them and put them outside, they become more scared of your presence and that hectic wanting to go out accelerates or totally freezes. This time I decided to try to approach the pigeon with as much stillness that I can without my nervous system automatically reacting to the unusual situation. And I put on the thin gloves for me and the pigeon sake. I don’t know who was more scared. I could feel the wings reacting, and I could feel my belly reacting. So I needed to find a space in myself to hold and let go. And we managed. I let him go and he flew away.

Or how the website Tricycle says it: https://tricycle.org/magazine/noble-eightfold-path/

 “Here compassion represents love, charity, kindness, tolerance, and such noble qualities on the emotional side, or qualities of the heart, while wisdom would stand for the intellectual side or the qualities of the mind. If one develops only the emotional, neglecting the intellectual, one may become a good-hearted fool; while to develop only the intellectual side [and] neglecting the emotional may turn one into a hard-hearted intellect without feeling for others.”

Practical living with this in mind

To be honest one can, well depending on personality some more then others, easily fall into taking this in a prescriptive way. Or…  there is another way of keeping that knowledge somewhere in mind and observing oneself:

  • how am I making my decisions,
  • how am I using my words,
  • am I allowing myself to believe all my thoughts,
  • how does it feel when I step more into my heartspace, lovingkindess, nurturing to self and others
  • where is it tempting to put in too much force and when am I giving up too fast because of fear, how am I nurturing my body, so that I keep my mind clear.
  • What am I believing and how am I understanding this situation, is this the truth or there is also another perspective, that is more liberating?
  • How often I am returning to my breath and body as the anchor to this moment?
  • How is this situation for me, is it pleasant or unpleasant, am I paying attention at all to what I am feeling?

This for someone who studies Buddhism is oversimplification of the richness and depth it is offered in text, yet I am sharing this through my own lens and putting this in practice to the extent that is available for me at this point and it might serve as a spark of thought and action for some of you as well.