A Heart-Centered Evolution in Life Coaching

  • A Heart-Centered Evolution in Life Coaching

A Heart-Centered Evolution in Life Coaching

Like many life coaches in the early days of life coaching’s popularization, I began my journey with a model focused on goal setting in key areas of life. The model I was taught—developed by Curly Martin and Achievement Specialists—was called the I CAN DO model. At the time, many coaches also used the well-known GROW model.

Witnessing a client reach their goal has always been rewarding. Achieving a goal fulfills the human need for accomplishment and creates an empowering, feel-good moment. As a responsible life coach, I also guided clients through a values inventory to help them understand whether their goals aligned with their deeper values and life priorities.

But over time, my approach evolved.

A Turning Point: When Life Doesn’t Go According to Plan

I wasn’t just coaching clients with this goal-based model—I was living it. And I achieved a lot during that time.
Until one day, something didn’t unfold the way I had envisioned in My Will. Like many people, it was this unexpected pain that pushed me into new levels of self-growth, understanding, and heart-opening. It became an initiation into deeper compassion and connection.

The Shift Toward Heart-Centered Coaching

For over ten years, I’ve practiced heart-centered living and coaching, incorporating:

  • HeartMath techniques
  • Mindfulness of the heart
  • Transformational work with Dora Frasco, focused on connection, unity, and unconditional love

During this time, I began noticing a trend in both group and one-on-one coaching sessions:
Intentions were starting to replace the once-dominant goals.

Why Intentions Over Goals?

Last year, I felt called to understand more about this shift. I dove into the work of Lynne McTaggart, including The Field, The Power of Eight, and her intention experiments. I also joined her 2025 Intention Masterclass.

In earlier teachings, we were told that intentions don’t need to be specific—you simply name the intention, release it, and let the Universe handle the details. But I’ve noticed that the more specific your intention setting becomes, the more it starts to resemble goal setting—just without the pressure or attachment.

Mindfulness teaches us that intention plus attention equals awareness. When you name an intention specifically, you bring clarity and self-honesty to what already exists in your mind and heart—but may not have been consciously expressed.

When to Use Goals, Intentions, or Both?

In my coaching practice, I tailor the approach based on the individual. Sometimes it’s intentions. Sometimes it’s goals. Often, it’s a blend of both. Here’s what I’ve learned so far:

  1. Creating From a Healthy Core

We are always creating—whether consciously or unconsciously.
The more we heal our inner wounds, resentments, and fears—the forces behind protective or reactive behaviors—the more we can create from our authentic self, our true essence.

  1. Being in the Now

Many people get trapped in the mindset of “I’ll only be happy when…”

Mindfulness offers a more empowering foundation:
This moment is enough. You are enough.
You can feel contentment here and now. When that future-focused thought creeps in, recognize it as just that—a thought—and choose whether or not to follow it.

  1. Acknowledging What’s Already There

We often believe that growth comes from identifying what’s missing:
“I’m not enough yet, so I need to change…”

But practices like the HeartMath Quick Coherence Technique or keeping a gratitude journal help shift focus to what’s already present, while still honoring what you may wish to grow or call in.

  1. Intention vs. Goal Setting

Every action stems from a motivation.
You can either be intentional and aware of that motivation—or run on autopilot. Intentional living invites conscious choice.

  1. Embracing Luck as Energy

A visual symbol of luck on my HeartCoach website reminds me of this subtle but powerful energy.
Luck is not random—it’s an optimistic frequency that flows through us when we feel open, light, and aligned. It supports serendipity and enhances co-creation.

  1. Balancing the 3 Centers

Different traditions speak of the hara (action), the heart (feeling), and the pineal gland (thinking)—or in spiritual terms, my will, thy will, and that will.
True co-creation happens when these three centers are in balance—not just pushing forward from “my will,” and not just surrendering to external forces.

  1. Maintaining Focus in a Distracted World

Once you’ve set a clear intention or goal, distractions will inevitably arise.
Return to your core focus. Practicing focus and concentration helps you redirect energy back to what matters most—again and again.

  1. Don’t Give Up Too Soon

Many people give up on what they want too early, instead of exploring new strategies or staying aligned with their vision.
Before you shift focus, pause and ask yourself:
“Why am I changing direction right now?”
Be radically honest. Your answer will guide your next best step.

Final Thoughts: Living and Coaching with Intention

As life coaches, we’re not just guiding others—we’re on the journey too.
Whether you’re working with goals, intentions, or a powerful blend of both, remember this:

True transformation begins not with striving, but with awareness—and the courage to act from your heart.

Maybe- the field of possibilities

  • Maybe- the field of possibilities

Maybe - the field of possibilities

Maybe opens up the window,

Opens up the fresh air to the stiffness of I can’t,

Releases the stuffiness of old air being stuck in one way only.

 

Resistance to that because it has to be this way,

Because it is known,

Because it is safe

is felt like a black ball in the middle of the body

Can it be maybe?

Because it is not so scary to totally let go what you were thought to believe.

Can there be a slight chance that one is not better than the other,

That both can be explored,

both is possible

and what more?

and from that I can is reborn

B.Cukjati, 2025

Riding the dragon in a wavy dress and power

  • Riding the dragon in a wavy dress and power

Riding the dragon in a wavy dress and power

Give her permission,

Have the power

In her wavy dress,

to hold the reins

Of a mighty dragon

Defying the wind

With a sword

Commanding with the heart made from fire.

 

Only when the dragon would lay down

On soft and nurturing soil

Under tree fern leaves reflecting little waterdrops,

She would lay down with him, calm,

Earth wind metal and fire

Finally at rest.

 

B.C.

Relaxing into wonder

  • Relaxing into wonder

Relaxing into wonder

The flickering sounds of the fire in stillness

burning away the willfulness

floating On the holy river  

like drop of water in the ocean

 

One falling into the One,

echoing the encounter,

Spreading stillness in the circles.

One falling into One.

 

The silence of potential,

What I feel

 is unclear,

can my experience turn into exponential?

feeling  Unity within

the connection becomes real.

 

I know I am here,

My body can dance out

This  mess

Unknown to my words to express.

 

The dissonance between things

sways with the lightness of being

what more am I seeing

further from limitation blinded before by believing.

 

On the bar codes of consciousness

Falling like drops from the sky

I surrender my resistance, my control, my illusions

 

Less judgement – more trust

With open arms embracing a stranger

To feel welcomed

Body reassured

Relaxing into wonder.

 

Loving with opened eyes

Laughing with opened chest

Embracing with joyful heart.

Finding Flow: A Lifelong Exploration of Movement and Joy

  • Finding Flow: A Lifelong Exploration of Movement and Joy

Finding Flow: A Lifelong Exploration of Movement and Joy

We had a living room big enough to put the couch cushions on the floor, music on the old gramophone, and let my body move, jump, roll, do whatever it felt to the music. And the end effect? I felt uplifted, joyful and great.

Don’t the majority of us, as children, actually have this natural movement and creativity inside of us, that as soon as we have the opportunity, we would use it to move?

Well, at least my childhood was full of that joyful movement. It wasn’t movement with agenda, to be fit, to keep in shape, to get my daily exercise regime in. No words like “I should, I need to” came to my mind to do it. It was just a natural part of being and expression.

I was about six years old when we moved to the house with that living room, with enough space that offered me space to move. Soon it became one of my favorite go-tos.

When I was a bit older, I found a yoga book on my mother’s bookshelf. It was a black and white book with the foundations of hatha yoga, guiding through the basic asanas, and of course  a couple of sequences with sun salutations. So I used that as my guidance for a while, making the asanas, knowing as well that one of my mom’s practices in the morning before work was a sun salutation. I am not sure if now, at the age of 85, she still has it as her morning routine, but at that time, and still now in my mind, she was an inspiring role model.

The accessibility of that white and black yoga book on the shelf was enough to keep me playing with the asanas. Trying them out, and enjoying it with curiosity. Looking back, a proper yoga teacher would probably realign my poses and bring my attention to something to improve, yet I feel grateful and happy for that experience focused just on the freedom of exploration.

In grade 1, I was introduced to rhythmic movement. The teacher encouraged us to do some group movement, and I remember more stiffness in my body, which was new to me. This experience of how being in the group (and getting older) kicked in new feelings of self-judgement that automatically restricted the flow of movement of my body. Mistakes were something in movement with a group and that fear of getting lost in my body and forgetting the next steps was keeping me somewhat stiff.

I kept this movement as part of my life, experienced different ways of dancing, from group jazz ballet, modern ballet, ballroom dancing, cheerleading in high school, back to modern ballet, and fitness.

In my twenties, I filled in as a group fitness trainer for a while. Then, I assembled a small dance group called “Vivere”, which means “to Live” and choreographed a routine, which we performed on stage, and which received great feedback from the audience.

I also joined an Academy of fitness and aerobics show team. This was a group of health and movement enthusiasts that performed as promotors of movement, healthy body and Academy of fitness and aerobics. Even though we had many trainings, the main feeling I experienced was joy – the joy of cocreating choreographies, the joy of a well-functioning body and connecting to the body, and the joy produced by the music and the company of others.

When I started my first serious job, I put my focus on that, let go of the show team and found a great yoga teacher with Saturday classes. For a while, those morning Saturday yoga practices my sister and I attended, followed by a social morning coffee , became the movement of the week I was really looking forward to. A feeling of joy and aliveness was in my body again!

When I became pregnant with my first son, pilates was my main go-to for supporting my body and mind* – incorporating the breath, feeling the effects of small mindful movements related to the engagement of some muscles, and disassociating the habitual ways of engaging some others. I have learned to shift my focus of attention and became more intentional about what parts of my body I am using and how.

Later on, in my thirties, when I was already running my own company as a life coach, I took salsa classes and those group classes brought a lot of sparkle in my life. One evening a week, it was my happy movement moment. This attraction to salsa wasn’t limited in my life to just the once a week dancing. My friends and I used to go to concerts and music events with salsa musicians and dance. I cherish the memory of when my husband and I travelled to Cuba and danced salsa with the locals. I don’t quite understand where this salsa passion comes from, but I concluded that amidst my thoughts and focus, salsa gave space to my emotions to express in more dramatic, yet still confined space.

When we moved to South Africa, I found a yoga studio and dance studio, and for a while I had an opportunity to practise more of both. My favorite yoga practice then was Yin Yoga, a practice where with closed eyes you let go of comparisons with others and tune into your body.

It is also one of the practices that is sometimes called restorative. It is learning how in doing less, and opening to gravity, you are actually doing a lot by not doing.

It was after sitting quietly after one of the sessions that I experienced what I would describe for me the most profound spiritual experience in my meditative practice. The feeling, if I access it now was not the hyped up happiness and outgoingness as I would have known from other more hyped up practices, it was the inside, more peaceful deep joy of feeling deep connection within.

One of the practices where you explore how in stillness of being and movement, where you experience the connection between body and earth, tension and release, is tai chi. The repetition of practice and attention to little nuances and feeling also makes it very humbling and requires quite some patience. And the effect is very grounded, stable presence and recognizing of pushing forward or learning to let go to move forward. It allows you many mindful observations as well of the personality patterns in life and how to work on it. It also produces a lot of heat in the body and builds strength in the legs with relaxed shoulders and top.

In the journey with mindfulness meditation and coaching it is a very aligned practice that nourishes and offers me growth on many levels.

Nowadays when I work with the clients it’s beautiful to have an experience with a wide array of movement practices. Some of practices that ignite that cardio, or some where there is space more to step into being with your body, learning to slow down an be with yourself and body.

Ideally finding some balance, flow and including both with ease and joy into the weekly routines.

Exploring mindfulness: navigating emotions and feeling with poetry

  • Exploring mindfulness: navigating emotions and feeling with poetry

Exploring Mindfulness: Navigating Emotions and Feelings Through Poetry

This week’s theme is linked to feelings and emotions. The mindfulness of emotions and feelings is one of the foundations of mindfulness practice, therefore one of the essential practices and talks. Working with emotions and feelings requires patience and fine tuning into realizing what is a clean feeling, what is interpretation, what is emotion – reaction to something and what is that saying to us, what are we doing with it.

In relation to this topic I am sharing this month one of the past observations and writings with respect to a strong feeling or emotion and how does it feel to be with it.

TO SEE MORE

 

Slowly I have learned

That this what I feel

is not the whole of me.

A part that in that moment took over the rest

So strong that all other parts

Hid away behind the bushes and the rocks

Timidly observed this giant

Taking over the stage,

Forgetting it is not alone.

 Even my soul in the moment of this coup

Could buy into this illusion

And forget that what is looking at Is just a finger on the hand,

Pointing so vigorously that It feels like sea sick with gaze caught up in mesmerizing movement.

 You are an important finger, and so is the one next to you.

With deep breath I land back in my heart, my center,

With another I stand in the middle of my head,

I hold the third to notice more.

 Soon there is much more to see,

In my humbleness I smile to the change.

 

The wind blows, the silence comes

It’s gone a moment later.

Did you catch it? Did you hold it? Did you let it go?

 

Using breath as the anchor amidst of it all

  • Using breath as the anchor amidst of it all

Using breath as the anchor amidst of it all

Can you recall from one of the movies a plane scene, when a character would reach for a paper bag and start to breathe deeply in an out of the bag to calm down?

Situations where people can get into a reaction of hyperventilating, freezing and holding? A reaction in breath, due to an external event on which we are reacting.

It feels there is not space for thinking, so whatever has been integrated in your capacity to respond, is already there, or it isn’t. There is an element of surprise, the strong unexpected external event brings up something in you. Often in that reaction there is the truth of what is it in you.

In some practices of leadership embodiment (Wendy Palmer) that trigger is practiced in a  group. When you are spontaneously walking with someone, are you holding the hand tight, is there fear there of letting them go? When someone is in front of you and pulls your hands, do you move back, forward, freeze or able to stay in your centre? Those are couple of reactions that are prevalent when our body is provoked by external swift event.

It’s kind of all that you have been practicing for, accumulated, will it be awakened and seamlessly put into behavior.

This unexpected can be different things in our environment:  big storm, floods, lots of confusing communication, all of a sudden finding yourself in deep waters after having past trauma of drowning in a shallow one, a big wave coming, after experiencing how it is being underneath and feeling it’s holding you down, in a moment not knowing will I get a chance to breathe again?

Imagine that all the fear of not having enough time is gone. That you have the capacity to wait and hold your breath or breathe to the capacity that you are able to until you breathe again in full, in flow, relaxed? That makes a major difference. A lense that there is space and time and relaxing into it with Trust, makes a difference between a panic and going under or trusting the moment.

Choose what you love

  • Choose what you love

Choose what you love

This is a poem that I share with my clients as a simple example of how we can find something about our body that we love and appreciate. Often I hear women pick up and focus on the parts of their body that they don’t like or they would change and fix. This is an invitation  to find and focus on the positive at least as equally as our mind can be pulled into negative. 

Choose what you love

I love my hands, the elegance, how they feel and how they look when they are touching clay, most of all from my body, I love my hands. 

I love my limbs, they are long and athletic. 

I love the soles of my feet. 

I love my ribs and how they expand. 

I love my liver and kidneys. 

I love the inner perfection of aligned working together. 

I love my honesty and willingness to learn. 

I love my heart and willingness to look into it, even though I often feel afraid and confused. 

And sometimes I just feel oh my not again, why do I want to look into how I feel time and time again. I rebel. 

Then reminding myself to stay with, look deeper, see more. (B.Cukjati)

 

Understanding The Noble Eightfold Path and how can it help with living well

  • Understanding The Noble Eightfold Path and how can it help with living well

Understanding The Noble Eightfold Path and how can it help with living well

Pain and suffering

In mindfulness there is a saying Pain is inevitable suffering is optional. According to Buddhist teaching if we follow the noble Eighfold path, we can overcome suffering.

8 fold path is a list that includes moral virtue, wisdom and meditative culmination of heart and mind. The list of eight is the following:

  1. Right understanding
  2. Right thought
  3. Right speech
  4. Right action
  5. Right livelihood
  6. Right effort
  7. Right mindfulness
  8. Right concentration

Intention to aspire to make the aligned choices with the 8fold path and be gentle and understanding to self is a good starting point.

Wings of Love and wisdom

Why would I do that at all besides overcoming the suffering, is because there is something in me that deeply resonates with what Tara Brach presented as two wings that we are cultivating: the wing of Love and wing of Wisdom.

 Now true wisdom doesn’t mean that we have read and memorized x amount of books and we can intellectualize on the topic for hours. Maybe you have come across this pyramid that says we can have data, then usage of data is information and information used in practice and integrated with learning is wisdom. And true Love also is not romantic, is deep, it’s strong and powerful and not mushy at all.

Story with the bird

Yesterday I came into a room and I could hear a pigeon trying to get out and trying to find its way. He was banging into the glass repeatedly, not recognizing where the window ends and where there is freedom of him flying away. I have learned that if you approach a butterfly, or a bird and trying to hold them and put them outside, they become more scared of your presence and that hectic wanting to go out accelerates or totally freezes. This time I decided to try to approach the pigeon with as much stillness that I can without my nervous system automatically reacting to the unusual situation. And I put on the thin gloves for me and the pigeon sake. I don’t know who was more scared. I could feel the wings reacting, and I could feel my belly reacting. So I needed to find a space in myself to hold and let go. And we managed. I let him go and he flew away.

Or how the website Tricycle says it: https://tricycle.org/magazine/noble-eightfold-path/

 “Here compassion represents love, charity, kindness, tolerance, and such noble qualities on the emotional side, or qualities of the heart, while wisdom would stand for the intellectual side or the qualities of the mind. If one develops only the emotional, neglecting the intellectual, one may become a good-hearted fool; while to develop only the intellectual side [and] neglecting the emotional may turn one into a hard-hearted intellect without feeling for others.”

Practical living with this in mind

To be honest one can, well depending on personality some more then others, easily fall into taking this in a prescriptive way. Or…  there is another way of keeping that knowledge somewhere in mind and observing oneself:

  • how am I making my decisions,
  • how am I using my words,
  • am I allowing myself to believe all my thoughts,
  • how does it feel when I step more into my heartspace, lovingkindess, nurturing to self and others
  • where is it tempting to put in too much force and when am I giving up too fast because of fear, how am I nurturing my body, so that I keep my mind clear.
  • What am I believing and how am I understanding this situation, is this the truth or there is also another perspective, that is more liberating?
  • How often I am returning to my breath and body as the anchor to this moment?
  • How is this situation for me, is it pleasant or unpleasant, am I paying attention at all to what I am feeling?

This for someone who studies Buddhism is oversimplification of the richness and depth it is offered in text, yet I am sharing this through my own lens and putting this in practice to the extent that is available for me at this point and it might serve as a spark of thought and action for some of you as well.

Life: Sacred Journey

  • Life: Sacred Journey

Holistic Living: Insights from Dr. Gladys McGarey on Health, Healing, and the Sacred Journey

Dr. Gladys McGarey is a centarian who is considered a mother of holistic medicine. I was drawn to her by her recent book The well lived life and then watched her ted talk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7w44sd1N44 and listened to a podcast with her on the www.thegoodlifecoach.com/253-2/. Besides her practice, she has previously published also following books: Living medicine, The physician within you, The world needs old ladies.

Today she is 104 years old and as far as I could read up on her, she is still offers life consultation.

Doing what you love and keep moving

In my recent articles, I delved into the topic of longevity and examined the lives of centenarians. Yet, what truly captivates me is the example of Gladys McGarey. At the age of 100, she not only delivered a Tedx talk but also maintained a 10-year plan. Using a walker equipped with a watch tracking her 3000 steps a day, she demonstrates that embracing assistance is perfectly acceptable. It’s her vibrant attitude toward life, fueled by what she describes as “Juice,” that truly makes life an incredible journey.

Discovering one’s own path

In the interview, she emphasizes the significance of discovering one’s own path. When she says “find your own,” I interpret it as developing a personalized approach to self-care rooted in love, care, and a thriving mindset.

Can I?

As individuals, we often seek the recipe or grant ourselves permission to engage in certain activities. After hearing her perspective, I decided to permit myself to be more flexible in selecting self-care practices. Typically, I tend to overthink whether something is a genuine need or excessive indulgence. By allowing a bit more freedom to follow what feels good, I address my internal questioning of “Can I?” and challenge the ingrained discipline that tells me I don’t need certain things. This adjustment involves granting myself more permission to enjoy and acknowledge that it’s okay to do so.

Activating our Life force with Love

 

What does that mean in practice? When we feel the Love and Life running through our bodies, we recognize our conditioning to control and allow ourselves to surrender more for Life and Love to move through us. This is where for me mindfulness of the body plays a role.

As we practice this mindful awareness, we also adopt an accepting attitude towards whatever arises, acknowledging that every aspect belongs to the current experience. This gradual acceptance and allowing facilitate an internal shift, paving the way for the unrestricted movement and flow of life and love through our being.

Dr. McGarey says: “You [have to] feel and know life is there to be lived. You have to live it,” she says. (source: https://www.cnbc.com/2023/06/08/5-ls-for-living-a-long-fulfilling-life-from-a-102-year-old-doctor.html ):

The 5 l’s on living medicine:

Life: ife is like a seed. It has a shell around it. It has all the energy of the universe within it,” says McGarey. According to McGarey, life’s positive transformation requires our activation. Symbolically, in the Hippocratic lifestyle, the process of sprouting signifies an awareness of the seed, water, and life itself. This year, I involved my son and husband in a beginning-of-the-year ritual where we expressed our intentions using sprouting jars. It symbolized a proactive step towards initiating positive change in our lives.

Love: “Love is the activating factor. It cracks the shell,” she says. “It’s the whole aspect of life as we come into it and take our first breath.” For me that is that watering aspect, watering with love, adding water to the seed.

 

Laughter:  “Laughter without love is cruel. It’s mean [and] cold,” McGarey says. “But laughter with love is joy and happiness.”

 

Labor: Labor with love is bliss. It’s why a singer sings, why a painter paints, why I became a doctor. It’s what juices you up. It’s what makes you really know: ‘This is who the inner core of me is.’” Pay attention to what drives you, she adds.

 

Listening: “Listening without love is empty sound,” says McGarey. “But listening with love is understanding.” When you’re able to find people who understand you and what your purpose is, life becomes more fulfilling.

Where is gratitude in this 5ls?  

Gratitude can be a foundation for the 5ls. The practice of gratitude gradually opens up to Acceptance and Love. Gratitude is a very fertile ground to the 5ls.

What do you do when things are challenging?

The other day I was cleaning up the old children’s books, choosing what to keep and what to pass on. One of the books that I kept as a reminder was a book called: “We are going on a bear hunt.” This book has a repeating line: “we can’t go under it, we can’t go over it, we got to go through it.” And so it is that I have this story as a reminder that when we get a challenge, you keep on steady going through it. That reminds us also Tara Brach in her book Radical acceptance. She writes: “The boundary to what we can accept is the boundary to our freedom. Clearly recognizing what is happening inside us, and regarding what we see with an open, kind and loving heart, is what I call Radical Acceptance.”

What is included in the word holistic?

We today use the word holistic for many different things. McGarey explains that when they were coming up with the word that would offer complementary side to traditional medicine, they were thinking of including three elements:

  • health
  • healing
  • holy

When I was with on the international conference for Enneagram practitioners in Cape Town, organized by Integrative 9 (https://www.integrative9.com/) one year they call it Holism. As a guest speaker Ginger Lapid Bogda has been guiding us more through “What does it mean to be whole?” so there is this aspect of holy or whole.

How to understand holy? For someone who is religious that would mean belonging to or coming from God, sacred. For someone who doesn’t follow a particular religion the meaning might be:  regarded with or deserving deep respect, awe, reverence, or adoration (source: https://www.collinsdictionary.com/us/dictionary/english/holy). Or to someone else, maybe the understanding of the origin of the sound of word might bring the most value in understanding: ME holie < OE halig (akin to Ger heilig) < base of OE hal, sound, happy, whole.

In this article we have explored  Dr. Gladys McGarey as an example of a person, who at the age of 104 is an inspiration for all the 5ls she writes in Living medicine. Life itself is a medicine she says and may this article inspire you to cultivate this 5ls, gratitude and recognize where you get stuck in Fear and with gentle determination move through it to more Love.