There has been something in my belief system that found safety in believing that being in integrity means making a decision and not changing it. Almost to a degree of no matter what.

I have a sense that among the population of other “perfectionists” out there I might not be the only one.

When we accept that people change, circumstances change, that we are a constant work in progress, always becoming more whole if we are willing to heal the aspects of us through the experiences that life offers us, then we can have a greater understanding and allowing for us to change our decisions.

Integrity isn’t rigid. It is not about never changing. It is about being honest, responsible and aligned with values.

Changing your mind can be in integrity in situations:

• When you got new information – about situation, other person or realization about your own values and priorities
• You said yes to something under pressure or in haste (example: you said yes to please or out of guilt and later realize you don’t have capacity to do so)
• Ethical issues arise (example: you later realize that decision goes against your values and you weren’t aware before)
• Your needs or goals have changed 

• You have realized that the decision you made before is based on fear, past beliefs and limitations

• When you manage to communicate the change of mind clearly and respectfully to those it affects
• You are aware of the impact of your original decision and the change and you make your best to minimize the negative impact on others
• You are not avoiding or going along with old after you have realized new based on you or circumstances changing.

The word that works best for me to communicate a change in my decision: “I have realized.”

“After thinking more about my values and commitment to make decisions based on love and respect, I  have realized it’s not aligned with what’s truly right for me right now and aligned with me anymore.  I want to be honest about that rather than continue with something that no longer feels right.”

When would changing your mind compromise Integrity

You notice that you are changing your mind often and it has become a repeating pattern and you don’t do it with awareness and skilful communication.

You avoid hard conversations/conflict or use “changing your mind” to avoid responsibility.

You make changes that harm others without acknowledging that.

When you waited too long to communicate a change in your decision because of being uncomfortable and it creates a logistical problem for others involved.

What will people think?

Sometimes what is holding us back to be in integrity and changing our decision is the inner voice that says “what will they think of me?” – if the decision is a bit out of the box for example. I believe when there is enough inner security, clarity, self-love, then these things prevail and give wind to courage to go in communication and be transparent. It is wise and loving to self and others to use appropriate timing, context, reasons for change to communicate the change.

How to change your mind respectfully:

Be transparent – Explain why you’ve reconsidered.

Take responsibility – Acknowledge the impact of your initial decision and your reversal.

Offer alternatives – If appropriate and really your responsibility, propose solutions or compromises.

Communicate respectfully and promptly – The sooner you communicate your change of mind, the better.

To sum up… Integrity isn’t about being consistent no matter what and never changing your mind. It is about being honest with yourself and others, aligned with what you believe and value. And sometimes we realize more of who we are only when we have already made a decision.

For those of us with perfectionist tendencies, the idea that changing our minds makes us less reliable or less in integrity can feel uncomfortable. Something in us wants to stick to “but it is the right thing to do because I already said so”. When we embrace the reality, change, we free ourselves from rigid perfectionism. Decisions made in haste, under pressure, or without full awareness can be reassessed.

Changing your mind can actually be a powerful act of integrity because it means you are striving to make the best decision in alignment with your values and coming from a more honest, more aware, healthier version of you.

Integrity is about showing up authentically, even when the path shifts. It’s about honesty, transparency, and being willing to adjust course with respect and care for both yourself and others.

And when in doubt, a simple, “I’ve realized…” can be the gateway to clarity and authenticity.

Trust yourself, communicate with love, and stay true to your evolving self.

With warmth, Be